I can’t believe I’m writing this post right now. I was so sure that she would’ve been here by now! I had my doctor’s appointment yesterday where he told me that I am between 5-6cm dilated. I was seriously disappointed to hear that. I was so sure that I’d be at a seven again and that they’d admit me straight away. He did sweep my membranes, which did nothing more than cause me discomfort in the moment, and then spotting all afternoon. I had some crampy feeling, but nothing really different than what I have been feeling this whole time. I feel like she is very low, and my doctor said that she is pushing down very well. I am waddling all over the place. Her head pushes down so hard sometimes that I feel like she’s about to fall out. Just one of the many reasons why I thought she would’ve been here by now. He told me to make another appointment for next week – the 18th – but nobody in his office thought that I would be back. Now I’m not so sure.

I haven’t slept well in days. On top of my sore hips, and the constant tossing and turning, I’ve been having contractions at night time. They are painful and it helps to breathe through them. They’re prodromal though because they go away on their own. If I get up and walk around – trying to get them to go somewhere – and decide to lay back down, they fade. I have zero energy during the day because of my lack of sleep. No position is comfortable. I can’t sit/lay/stand in the same spot for too long or my body starts to get sore, so even just resting in a chair with my feet up isn’t easy.

I still don’t want to eat. It is getting increasingly harder to eat anything. I did have an actual craving for ice cream and that went down well. Javier bought a piece of chocolate cake when he went to the store the other day, and I had some of that, but it made me nauseous, so I didn’t have any more. He also made lunch yesterday, and the smell of sauteing onions made me want to gag too. I haven’t had that in a long time. They say it can be a sign of labor, but I’m not hopeful. I’ve never gotten sick before labor. Of course, this baby is proving to be different than the rest.

I am dreading tomorrow, as it is Friday the 13th, and a full moon. I’m not superstitious, but working in healthcare, there is definitely something to be said for these types of situations. I would really like to avoid the hospital tomorrow because it will definitely be busy. My brother’s  birthday is also this weekend, and I just really want my baby to have her own birthday. There’s obviously nothing that I can do about it, but I hope she skips that day too. My mom’s brother-in-law is also on hospice care for pancreatic cancer. I was hoping that I’d have had the baby by now so that if anything happens, I’d be able to go be with my family. They live 5 hours from here, so there’s no way I’d be able to be there before she arrives.

I am so done with pregnancy. I am so glad that the end is right around the corner. I don’t ever want to do this again, that is for sure. As much as I enjoy the pregnancy, this part just stinks. I am so ready to meet our baby girl, and I think the kids are too. Ivan is especially interested in her. He hugs my belly a lot and tells me he wants to hold her “like this” as he cups his arms into a cradle. It is so sweet. Daddy is also ready to meet her. Whenever I get up in the night, he worries that it might be time, asks if everything is ok. He’s been going to bed a lot sooner too, because with Ivan, he had barely gotten an hour in before I woke him up. Everyone is ready and waiting for you little missy!