What Not To Say To A Pregnant Person

This pregnancy, I am just generally annoyed at any given time. It doesn’t take much for me to snip at people for something they say or do that makes me just eyeroll. I’m so hormonally angry this pregnancy. I get in bad moods that I can’t conceal, so people definitely know when to give me space. Javier’s daily annoyances that I had previously just grown accustomed to, now drive me insane. The way he leaves the bathroom counter wet after brushing his teeth makes me irate. Sometimes I feel like everything that my mom does or says is annoying to me. I feel bad, but she can make me angry easily, with no intention of doing so. It isn’t them though, its just me being angry at every little thing. If it weren’t them, it would be somebody else for sure.

I’ve gotten lots of insensitive comments as well. Since this is our fourth child, people must think it necessary to interject their opinions all the time. It probably doesn’t help my bitterness any. All my brother could say was “so four huh?” Not even so much as a congrats when I first shared our news, and when I saw him a few weeks later, that’s all he could say. Oh, and “so it was an accident?” WHO SAYS THAT?! And NO it was not an accident. “You’re gonna need a minivan” as if there aren’t any other six passenger vehicles (for the record, I don’t ever want to have a minivan). And these comments are coming from the brother who wants four kids himself! (found that out at his fiance’s bridal shower) I get a lot of “don’t you know what causes that?” and “so you’re done now” assuming that they have control over my body or something. The one that hurts me the most is “oh I hope its a…” because, as the mother of this baby, I will love him/her no matter what. Gender is the least important part of this pregnancy to me. This baby is wanted no matter what and healthy is most important. Not to mention, I’ve already had at least one of each. I get that they don’t mean any harm when they say it, but it still makes me upset. More upset than angry to be honest. My mom tells me that she wants a girl all the time. Its as if she didn’t have a girl to raise, and never had a granddaughter. She had both of those things, and these aren’t her children. It is my turn to go through this phase in life. She also has two sons that can give her more granddaughters. I don’t know why it bothers me so much, but it does. I went through the same thing with Ivan’s pregnancy. People thought he should be a girl because we already had a boy. After five miscarriages, I couldn’t care less what he turned out to be, I was just ecstatic to be pregnant at all. I know that people don’t mean to hurt feelings, but it really does.

I kind of expected the “don’t you know what causes that?” comments. I’ve read enough blog posts to know the kinds of comments that moms of more than three tend to get from perfect strangers. I was ready for those, though annoying as they are. I also foresee the comments when I’m obviously huge and pregnant, or once the baby is born. “You’ve got your hands full.” “Looks like you’ve got a lot of helpers.” and the quiet “oh, my” as people pass, the quiet stares, and whispers to their shopping partners as if we are a circus show. It will all be compounded by the fact that I look like a teenager, so having four kids with me will also be met with looks of shame and disgust that I’m a teen mom of four/can’t keep my legs closed/probably has several baby daddies. Little do they know, I’ll soon be 28 and had my first at 21, and all of my kids share a father, even though none of that should matter to anybody. Nobody should care how many kids I have in tow. You should never judge anyone. I already get the people that assume we are on food stamps. Incorrect, though I think it is a wonderful program. Kids need fed and I’m glad to have my tax dollars go toward providing food to hungry children. How ballsy are people to flat out assume, out loud, that others are on food stamps. Even if they are, often times, its a single mom, working 1-2 jobs and trying her best to keep from drowning in bills. I know that if we were not a family unit, I would probably not be able to do it on my own, and I have a college degree and good job. It doesn’t matter anymore because everything is so expensive. But I digress, this is getting political.

How many blog posts have to be written before people get it? How may times does it need to be said before everyone realizes, you don’t make these insensitive comments to a very hormonal pregnant person? You never know what they’ve been through to get here. You come off as judgy when you say those things. Its like asking an overweight person when they are due, when they’re not even pregnant at all. Just don’t.

This turned out to be a huge run-on rant, but I’m glad to have it off of my chest, because it has been bothering me so much lately. Hopefully some poor, uneducated soul will come across this post and remember to think twice before accidentally hurting someone else’s feelings.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: