I think that everyone has or will come across one of these questions in their lifetime. You know, when you’re in high school, its “when are you going to start dating?” Then you start dating and its “when are you getting married?” Then you get married and its “when are you going to have kids?” Then you have a baby and they start asking “will you try for a boy/girl next time?” So this post is here to answer questions about our future family and what we are planning.
To start off, I don’t even really know if we will have more kids. I know that I want more kids but after going through so much heartache, you have to start thinking about what is best for you and your spouse. Miscarriage and infertility are dreadful things and it changes people. Looking back, I know that I was depressed and I’m sure that Javier felt like he was helpless too, at times. We did make it through eventually, but only after I was at my breaking point. I was almost ready to quit. I thought that if our last cycle didn’t give us a child, we would try one last ditch effort with medical intervention, and if that didn’t work, we would be done. But that’s not how it worked out. We had Ivan instead, just when I had reached the end of the road. I am so grateful we did because having to wait even longer would’ve been the end for our TTC journey. So after saying all of that, we still plan to try again. I am hopeful that my doctor’s diagnosis of low progesterone is all that it was causing our losses. But if it was a fluke that we got pregnant with Ivan, we could be in for round two, and I’m not sure I can handle that. So we will try again, and if it ends in a happy healthy baby, that sounds pretty good to me. But if we have to go through more than a year of trying, I think that I will be okay with calling it quits. It will hurt and I will have to grieve, but I have come to terms with being a mom to two handsome boys and that’s it. I have told you guys before that we wanted four children. Its still something that we want, but it all depends on our circumstances. If we have a baby easily next time, I’m good with trying for a fourth time. But if its a long and treacherous road like we’ve had before, we would be done. I wanted to be done having kids before I turn 30. Its just what I feel is best for us. We plan on starting the process of TTC next summer. I know that sounds crazy to some people; Ivan won’t even be a year old. But I am going to start seeing my doctor in June to get on my medication regimen again and do three trial months, where we will not necessarily try to get pregnant, but we will monitor my body. I had to take progesterone at certain points in my cycle so I wanted to give my body at least three months to get used to the medications again. I also stopped nursing Sylas at 9 months and I plan to do the same with Ivan. That will also allow my body to get back to normal hormonally. Of course, nothing is set in stone, and God has His own plan for us. I am okay with whatever He wants us to do. I really struggled with that last time. I was so desperate to have a baby. I think I am more okay with it this time because I have two kids now. Even though they have a bigger age gap than I would’ve wanted, they still have each other, and that is what I really wanted in the end. It makes accepting that this could be our family a little bit easier. Only time will tell, but for right now, this is what we have been thinking for our family’s future.