Work tomorrow

Today was my last day of maternity leave. I have been dreading this day. I’m not gonna lie, I got a little emotional as I was getting the boys settled down for bedtime. It has gone by way too fast. Our infertility journey was soooo long and dreadful. All of a sudden I was pregnant and I deeply regret wishing it away. I know that I did that because I only wanted to know that my baby was safe and healthy. But looking back, I missed out on parts of it because I was worrying so much. And then he was born and I FINALLY had my baby in my arms safe and sound. And I planned on soaking him in for my entire 12 week leave. And I did. But it definitely didn’t feel long enough. In comparison to the whole year it took to conceive him, it seems unfair in a way. Being in such a deep emotional pain for a whole year only to get 12 weeks to have him all day long. I know that I have to go back to work. And I like my work. But I love my children. They are my whole world and I thank God that he chose me to raise them. It’s a bittersweet evening. I don’t want to go to sleep because it means it’s officially over. I’m sitting up in my bed cradling Ivan in the crook of my arm as I type this. I’ve been staring at his precious little face all night. I sat rocking the boys after their baths and talked to them. Told them that I am going to miss them so much tomorrow, and the next day, and the next. Eventually it will all fade into normalcy and this phase will all be a part of the past. So tonight, I’m going to stay up late, even though I shouldn’t, so that I can cherish these last moments of maternity leave. I’ll be a little worse for wear in the morning, but babies don’t keep, and staring at his sleepy gorgeous face for another hour means more to me than looking rested tomorrow.   

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: