So I am going to start this post out for apologizing for what you are about to read. I am going to dump my stress and feelings here and I hope that it doesn’t make this an awful post to read. Today has just been a long day and I am so ready to go to bed and start over tomorrow.

Monday I had my NST and baby passed with flying colors. My doctor was in the OB ward at the time so he stopped in to see me. He told me that he was happy with how things looked and was “impressed with how my contractions look,” aka he was commenting on how strong they were already. I left feeling good about it. Today I had my appointment with him and it was the polar opposite. Four weeks ago, I had talked to him about coming up with a compromise for my birth. I knew that inductions and interventions come with the territory with GD. We discussed my desire to avoid induction and we came up with a plan that we would try some noninvasive tactics the week before my due date and if nothing happened before the 19th, that I would be induced. Today he marched into my room basically starting the conversation off by asking when I would like to have the baby. Almost like we never had our previous conversation. He asked me what I didn’t like about my last induction, so I told him the story. I also mentioned my horrid epidural experience and how I would never have another one and that also contributes to my desire to avoid induction as I am unsure if I could handle the pain without it. He gave me a couple other options for pain and I told him that I really just want to try to go natural this time. He browsed my chart and mentioned that Sylas weighed 7 pounds at 39 weeks and that was a large baby for my stature. He mentioned that they don’t like it when they induce before 39 weeks without a medical necessity. Again, he asked me when I would like to “get the ball rolling.” I asked him when he was thinking. So he and the nurse practitioner muddled over the calendar and I heard the 30th and 31st come up. Immediately I was worried because I felt like that was way too early. I blurted out that I wanted to make it to August. So they asked about the 5th. I still felt that was too early so I told him that I didn’t want that day because it was my mom’s birthday. They then opted for the 10th and he wrote it in my chart. And just like that, my baby’s birthday was decided, without any input from me. I left feeling really upset at what had just happened. I felt pushed into something that I did not want to do and whats worse, I had no legitimate medical reason for it. He himself told me that the baby is doing just fine. My blood pressure is picture perfect and I am feeling fine for being this pregnant. I also have been told by two different OB nurses that August is going to be a busy month for them.My doctor’s office is also having a hard time getting me scheduled for an appointment these past two appointments. So that makes me feel like my doctor is trying to schedule me in somewhere so that he can have an itinerary.

Besides all of that, I just feel robbed. I have yet to experience a natural labor. I feel robbed of the day that I get to call Javier at work and tell him to hurry home because “its time” or wake him in the middle of the night to tell him my water broke. I feel cheated out of my chance to experience that sudden rush of bustling around the house getting ready for the trip to the hospital. The elation of surprise that I just had my first real contraction by myself. I know that baby could come before the scheduled date but I honestly have felt all along that I would go pretty far into this pregnancy. I don’t think that it will happen before. I am planing on trying to get him to come the weekend before to avoid the induction but there’s only so much you can do before you have to realize that your body just isn’t ready.

Then to top this whole day off, I had my group B strep culture collected today and the nurse practitioner also checked me afterward. She said I was at a “tight 3 and 50% effaced.” I was told Monday at the hospital that I had still yet to dilate. I can’t imagine I could have gone 3 cm in two days with no real contractions. I dropped my culture off with the accessions department (I work with them in the lab) and went about my daily work. 2 o’clock rolled around and I noticed that we had yet to receive my specimen in my department. We have a new trainee working with us so I thought maybe he just didn’t know how to process the specimen, but that was not the case. So my co-worker and I looked around the accessions department for it with no luck. Finally, we found it on a log sheet that it was sent to a reference laboratory instead of being performed in house. That basically means that I would have had to pay for the tests instead of it getting written off. So I had to track down the person who had the specimen to be given to the reference lab’s courier and retrieve it from her…clear across the hospital. I don’t know what the accessionist was thinking when she put it in the wrong place, especially because I work there. She had to write my name on the log sheet so there was no mistaking it was mine. Its all okay now but it was just more stress on top of my already taxed mind. I talked to Javier when I got home from work today about it but he just doesn’t understand my desires to have a natural birth. I mean, yes, he was there when I had Sylas but he didn’t know what was going on other than I was in pain and about to have a baby. He doesn’t like hospitals and situations like these make him uncomfortable. Which I understand. But he just has no input for me. Not even an “oh my, how horrible,” type comment. I love him dearly, but I need to vent to someone who can relate.

So I’m sorry that this was so long and probably boring for you but I needed to release some of these feelings. Thanks for listening and a big thank you if you read to the end!