Find Joy in the Journey

Romans 12:12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.

Struggling through fertility problems of any kind is hard.  Its hard because you feel alone. Its hard because you feel abandoned. Its hard because it hurts you emotionally and physically. Its hard because the deepest desires of your heart seem so far out of reach.  It makes you feel worthless and weak and broken. It is full of ups and downs. You try to be hopeful for two pink lines only to be let down once again. And the vicious cycle continues, seemingly without end. You are afraid to speak a word of it because you want to avoid the sorrowful looks and the useless comments that are meant to be helpful. You also dread people asking you when you will have a child. You don’t know how to answer because you have no idea yourself. You feel jealous and sensitive over everything related to babies. You smile and congratulate your friends when deep down inside you wish it was you. You want to hold each babe that you see and keep them forever. Infertility changes you. It changes who you are down to your core.
Infertility has changed me as a person. I am not the same as I used to be. And as much as I hated going through it, it has made me a better person. It has brought me closer to God and strengthened my relationship with Him. It has made me a better mother to Sylas. I didn’t think it was possible, but I love and appreciate him more now than ever. I appreciate this new baby in ways that I would not have had we not struggled. It has brought Javier and I closer together and made us stronger as a couple. It has helped me to see that it wasn’t all bad. I couldn’t see it when I was in the midst of it all, but it was making me stronger. Strong enough to know that I can endure anything that is thrown at me because I made it through this.
So for all of you ladies out there going through infertility, or any struggle in your life right now, know that in the end it will be more than worth it and you will overcome. But until then, try to find peace in knowing this and find joy in your journey.
John 16:33 I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”
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