A Rainy Day

Today is an emotional day for me as this day could’ve been our second baby’s birthday. I remember being so excited that our new addition could share my brother’s birthday (Sept. 15).  It ended all too quickly and I never would’ve imagined the long road that lay ahead. I have been dreading this day for the past few weeks, especially because someone I know actually had the 15th as her due date and had her little girl that day. I try so hard not to be jealous, but deep inside I want to be her so badly. A classmate from High School added me on Facebook last week and it just so happens that she is pregnant with her second baby (her son is Sylas’ age) and I feel like she taunts me sometimes. I know she isn’t doing it intentionally, but she posts all day about how excited she is. And she has every right to be. I don’t begrudge her that happiness, but it makes me feel like an outcast. Maybe its because of the due date that has been looming over me and made me extra-sensitive.

I called the doctor’s office on Monday and asked if I could get a referral to a reproductive endocrinologist. The doctor wanted to see me before she did that but she couldn’t get me in for almost a month, and I don’t want to wait that long. So I called another OB and his office got me in next Friday. They scheduled me for a fertility consultation and hopefully he will send me on my way to someone who knows more about what is happening to me. I am really leaning toward it being immune-related. I have had several ultrasounds and a D&C and no one has found anything anatomically abnormal that could be the culprit. I have had an inkling for a while now. Ever since I started birth control after I had Sylas, my body has been acting up. I had eczema in High School but it cleared up when I went to college and it has since come on with a vengeance. I was also diagnosed with Raynauds phenomenon which is an autoimmune-related syndrome. I have developed pompholyx on my feet which is a type of eczema that is an autoimmune disorder. And this past year I’ve developed an esophageal hives-like reaction to certain foods and spices. Who knows, maybe all of these things are unrelated but I think its kind of odd that they all showed up at the same time. I hope that they can help me get this mess straightened out and have a treatment plan for me.

Matthew 5:4  “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”

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