Today I am having a garage sale and while sitting here waiting for prospective buyers I remembered that I didn’t write a new post about my appointment!
Monday was pretty much a waste of time. We went in to the doctor and the geneticist went over a detailed family health history with me. We went person by person on my family tree and she asked if they had any diseases or disorders. That took a good 45 minutes to get through because we went clear back to my grandparents. My dad has 12 siblings and we went through them and their families one by one too! After that they had me change into a gown and the geneticist did a physical exam. She had me move my arms and legs in certain positions and bend my back to examine my spine looking for any physical signs of a deformity. After she was done with that they let me change back into my clothes and we talked about their findings. She said that the chromosome 15 deletion doesn’t cause miscarriages. Which was good to hear. She told me that my chances of having a cleft child would be about 10% considering there is no significant family history of it. After that she discussed some options that I could take to try and find out why I keep miscarrying. She wanted me to see a cardiologist and get an echo done to look for minor heart deformities that could indicate a bigger problem and get an ultrasound of my liver and kidneys as well, plus more blood work. She said with any information that may come back abnormal from that testing they may be able to tell me why this is happening. She also said that it could come back completely normal too. I told her that I would think about it even though I had pretty much made up my mind that I’m not going to do any of that, at least for right now. I feel like their guess is as good as mine at this point and I would rather not flush money down the toilet to be told that I’m normal. Maybe if things keep going in the same direction that they have been I would consider doing it but for right now I am just going to wing it; and by winging it, I mean letting God handle it. As we were leaving the clinic, they had the sidewalk paved in brick etched with the names of people that had donated funds to the hospital. Amidst the sea of names, I looked down and the first brick that I read said “with God all things are possible” and it was exactly what I needed to hear at that moment. I felt a huge sense of relief.
So this cycle we BD on the 24th 25th and 27th and I O’d on the 28th. This cycle feels like it went well. My cramps were very strong this time and my OPK was darker than the control line like it normally is. I think that this time just feels good. I feel confident. I have been doing a lot of praying and I feel at ease, more than I ever have on this journey. I feel carefree almost. I still have my moments; days when I feel overwhelmed and afraid that it won’t work out. But in those moments I feel compelled to pray, and when I do, I feel an immediate sense of peace, like God is telling me that He’s got it under control. I quit taking OPKs this cycle too. The second morning I had taken them, I got this sensation that I should just not take them any more and a song came to me walk by faith by Jeremy Camp. So I decided to take a leap of faith and just wait and see what happened (obviously I still took one the day I ovulated to be able to better date pregnancy because my luteal phase is a little short). Like I said in my last post, I’ve been a control freak on this journey to mommy-hood and I think that it’s time that I stop trying to control the uncontrollable; so I am. I have asked God in prayer to guide me and show me what He wants me to do and I think He is doing just that.
I have had some strong urges these last couple weeks. It’s almost like nesting syndrome when you’re pregnant. I just want to get baby stuff and put the nursery up. I made a couple of splurge purchases (a crib mattress and a cute blanket) that I really felt like I needed to get. I’m going to continue to pray for guidance and have faith that we will prevail! Ttyl!