I have been stuck in a rut lately and I have been needing to take a step back and look at the whole picture. This whole baby journey has been consuming my life these past few months and causing me to loose sight of what I truly need to be focusing on. Sometimes it seems like there could be a clear-cut answer to my problems and the next day, I read something or hear something that makes me re-analyze and over-analyze my situation, trying to make it fit into that particular category so that I have a solution, when really, the solution is with God. I’ve been too busy trying to control my situation and the outcomes and have left God out of it, expecting Him to come help me out when I get stuck. I am being a control freak and make plans for TTC and follow through with them and then plead with God to make my plans work out the way I want. But that’s not how God intended it to work. He wants us to pray first, ask Him to show His plan and see what He has in store for us, and then go do it. Doing it His way will require patience, which is something that I have very little of. And maybe that is why this is taking so long. Maybe this is just a valuable lesson in patience; Lord knows I need more of it. I love instant gratification and can’t stand waiting for something that I want this badly. I also need to be more trusting in God and know that He will take care of me. Looking to google or friends or doctors for a cure-all and then praying that it will all work out isn’t trusting in God. When you truly trust in God, you give Him total control, hand Him the reins and trust that He will take you where you need to be. I am going to start fresh in this journey and give Him control and pray that He show me His desires for me. It isn’t going to be easy; I’ve been trying to control the uncontrollable since last November. It may take some guidance and reminding that I am not in control but I am going to do it. We will have a baby when God sees that we are ready, even if that means that time is not right now, no matter how much I wish that it was.
I know how draining it can be, both physically and emotionally, to carry the burden alone; trying to figure it all out on your own. God knows your desires, and if you give Him total control, He can help you get there. So with that being said, I urge you all, with whatever issues you are facing in this moment, to hand them over to God and let Him take care of it. Let Him take you where you need to be and stop trying to control your outcomes.