Handing over the Reins

After almost two months of waiting for this doctor appointment to finally tell me what is going on with my body, my doctor basically told me that she doesn’t know how to interpret my results and that she will schedule me with a genetic counselor. She said that there was greater than 50% maternal contamination, so the testing on the baby was pretty useless because the likelihood that it was my tissue was pretty high. She gave me a printout of my report and I googled the exact name of the deletion that I have (chromosome deletion 15q11.2). Apparently its very rare. I came across a couple of good websites with some semi-useful information but according to the things I have seen, the most horrible defect that this deletion could cause would be mental retardation. By no means do I wish to have a handicapped child, but I don’t see it as a total negative. It gives me hope that we can still have a successful pregnancy. I did not, however, find any information on how it could negatively affect a pregnancy that could lead to miscarriage. Obviously people with the deletion can lead normal healthy lives (I certainly do). So I honestly don’t think that this had anything to do with our miscarriages. I truly believe that it is the MTHFR or something that we have yet to find. I am going to see the genetic counselor anyway just to see what they say but my doctor told me that it usually takes a month to get in. They are supposed to call me with an appointment time but they haven’t yet. If they don’t let me know by Monday afternoon, I will give them a call. She told me that we can still keep trying but our risk of miscarriage isn’t going down. I have ultimately decided to just quit worrying about it and let God take control. I’m done trying to force things and be such a control freak. I’m just going to be content with God’s time frame of when he decides to give us a baby. We will still try regularly but if we have to go through a couple more miscarriages first, I will be ok. I definitely hope that won’t be the case but I’m not going to let myself get too upset over it. I will allow myself to grieve the loss and move on instead of lingering on the what-ifs and forcing myself into a depression. We didn’t try this cycle and used protection even outside my fertile window just to be sure. I am expecting AF to come the 16th or so and we will begin TTC then.
Here’s the link to the website that I found if you want to read up on it. http://www.rarechromo.org/information/Chromosome%2015/15q11.2%20microdeletions%20FTNW.pdf TTYL!

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