Here we go again

I woke up this morning to get ready for work and went to the bathroom and decided to test again to see how my hormones are doing. When I wiped, there was some light pink blood on the tissue. It was just a teeny bit but I panicked and I was in a fog all morning at work. I went to the bathroom later this morning and I was bleeding. Just like last time. I am 100% sure it is another miscarriage. I just feel so devastated. More than anything though, I am angry right now, at me, at my body for not being able to keep a baby and let it grow. I am just going through a whirlwind of emotions and I don’t know what to think. I am dumbfounded. Like I had a really good feeling about this one. I was sure it would turn out ok. I don’t understand how my body could get pregnant when I least expected it, when I was doing nothing right to prepare for pregnancy, and still be able to carry the baby to term. And now, we have been trying and trying and I can get pregnant, I just can’t stay pregnant. I feel like my body is betraying me or playing a cruel joke on me.
I have been doing some research and have found that some women have blood disorders that can cause repeat miscarriage. I know that I have issues with circulation because I have Raynauds syndrome, so I am going to talk to my OBGYN about a baby aspirin supplement. I have read that it helps. Before I got pregnant with my son, I had taken other NSADS for pain. Before I realized that I was pregnant with him, I had some tooth pain (caused by my hormone surge) and I took aspirin in the early days of my pregnancy. I am wondering if this is my problem. So I am going to definitely talk about it with my doctor. I know they don’t offer testing until miscarriage number three but I can’t go through this again. As I mentioned in a previous post, I didn’t want two kids born in December. If we were to get pregnant this cycle, the due date would be late November, which is way closer than I would like to have them. So I think that we will just put things on hold for now and wait a few months before trying again. Let my body really heal and get it in peak condition for a baby. I am pushing for trying again in May to possibly get a February due date. I am just a ball of mixed emotions right now. My last MC was just like a normal period. This one is too except I had some MAJOR cramping this morning after I came in to work. I thought I was going to have to go home. I haven’t felt pelvic pain like that since I was in labor. I took two extra strength Tylenol and that helped a LOT. But once in a while I get a really strong twinge of pain that I know would have been excruciating had I not taken pain killers. So far I have made it to the end of my work day. I really want to call in sick tomorrow just because I don’t feel like having so much to deal with right now. I am so upset and could really use some encouraging stories of pregnancy after miscarriage. I don’t really know when my next post will be. I need to handle this and get my emotions out of my system first. I will keep you updated but it may be a while before you hear from me again.

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